Saturday, July 26, 2014

Becoming Me:

A wave of calm has steadily crest over me; a process the began last weekend. There have been very few moments in my life in which I have detoured from taking a hard choice, when faced with two options that were on par. Very few times have I let systems of reward or punishment lead my choices. I instead follow my reason, my passion, and my heart–all three of which are located in my head; my body’s only along for the ride–it’s the vessel in which I navigate life, and luckily it looks nice. Since the end of the previous year I have been withholding, from many others, a decision given to me by another; a positive decision that will forever change my future. This approval I have been sitting on, until last weekend, in order to timely allow for its arrival into my and thus another’s life. Last week I let this secret out. That soul-lightening experience could have taken many directions; yet having mulled over the subject for so long, nearly every conceivable outcome or outline of the conversation I had already designed in my mind–and so prepared for conversing on this one, highly refined topic I was. Just as a few years ago, when I was also faced with a hard choice–one that would only allow me to go left or right–I then, just as now, chose the more difficult of the two paths before me. And it forever improved my life. It took courage, and conviction. Only last weekend could the decision I had chosen to take years earlier be relayed in full, by forwarding that information onward, in person. It was a hard choice, and a long conversation, but I mustered my self-confidence; indeed I shined. Regarding both of these hard choices–one last weekend and the other nearly three years ago–I'll be forever happy, that I never chose to make reasons for myself to avoid them. So, I've now chosen a new path by adding an extension to my current one. From last weekend forward, life has a new journey for me; one that builds off of and upon where I've already been headed, for 28 years–and it's one that leads in multitudinous directions, its ending point forever unknown. And it will, now that it's laid, enable me to continue making me, into the me I'd even further like to be.